Good day to you blog readers....Here is my Mental Healthy Moment for today. I was sitting thinking about a thought. This thought was in relation to a place of a child. Some children shouldn't be exposed to things before their time. If you are a parent, yes you are responsible for what your child learns. The ole' saying is 'train up a child' which some of you know what I just referenced along with the rest of the saying. But it is our duties as adults and parents to train up a child. We are their first teachers as parents and sometimes their first trainer and/or coach with preparing them for what life has in store for them. We are their first experience of love, relationships, attachments, etc. We're not given a book with lesson plans on how to teach them or how to raise them and we usually go back to the resources of what our experiences were as children. So if you had the roles confused growing up as a child guess what you do?......You pass on that confusion. If you had teachers, then you teach good lessons. But we all make mistakes.
I had to learn from my son after battling my emotions toward his father over the years. I withheld interaction from his father as pay back for what he did to me. Some women run to child support as pay back (wrong intentions) and withhold the interactions because from my perception, money is compensated for the action of hurting them and withholding the ability to see the child is a way to return the hurt given to them. (My perception only) Child support and visitations with the fathers go together just in case no one understood. If the father of your child doesn't exercise his rights to visit that's on him. Back to me, my pay back was talking bad to my son about his father. I wanted to create the hate I felt toward his father in my son as a way of seeking revenge. But one day my son checked me on that. He said to me that he loved both of us and we both do the same thing (talk bad about the other to him). He said he learned through the years how to balance both and determined on his own what to feel. He had realized that we were both harboring feelings of hurt and pain that we both needed get over because at the end of the day, we were his parents and he will never see either one of us as bad people. He later asked that I work on not dogging his father in front of him or with him and to get over what I felt because no one is perfect. I was lost for words because I knew in my heart that he was right. I was also proud of him at the same time because of the courage it took for him to stand in my face at 15 years old and tell me something I needed to hear.
Later at 17 (2 years ago), when he graduated from high school, he came home one day after a battle with his dad about a choice he was trying to make where he needed his dad's help. He told me that he had to straighten another adult (his guidance counselor who knew his dad personally) about me. It was at this moment that I come to realize that my son was able to decipher the truth without my influence. He represented to a total stranger who went off the words and a perception from his father about me and my choices and how I and these choices inspired his life. He said he was respectful but he wanted that lady to know that at the end of the day, regardless of what his father felt about me or toward me, I (his mother) took care of him without his financial support, through the desire to better myself by seeking a higher education. He also mentioned that I was a 'Damn' good mother because my hard work, sweat and tears over the years not only inspired him to pursue his dreams through a higher education but it also showed him that he can reach for his goals and no one else's. He said on a final note he wanted her to know that his dad left off that I (his mother) was currently seeking a Ph.D. through these choices that his dad wanted her to know about putting me on a higher education level then her. So he asked her what was negative with that? along with leaving her with the thought that I taught him that there is no limit or barrier that can hold you back from your goals unless you let it. Those were his words which brought tears to my eyes (he don't know that) because the lesson I was trying to teach him he learned.
So with that said, please know that your children are watching. They see every move you make, they hear your conversations, they inspire to be you or be something like you. So don't sow a bad seed in them if your ways are not right. Don't tell them to do things and your doing opposite. Walk and teach by example. Come to realize that children see the truth in situations without you opening your mouth. Keep them from being exposed to your bad habits so that their path can be free from what you harbor. If what you harbor can teach them, then teach them by changing your habits so that they can see we all make mistakes and can change from them. It's not too late. It may be a little rough but it's not too late.
My last blog was about forgiveness and some times we have to understand that when we don't forgive we carry these burdens from our life lessons into our parental roles putting our children in situations where they grow before their time. Although I thought I was doing right, It took that moment with my son to help me understand that I needed to be mindful of what I do and say in my children's presences and to teach them about the most valuable lessons that I had to endure and learn from and not create hate in them. I'm not perfect and I'm still working through things. To my readers, don't allow the roles of your parental responsibilities transfer into your child's life at a young age. Stop the cycle with you, break the chains. Don't turn them into parents at a young age. Don't allow your 6 year old to experience 16 year old things. Don't create a negative world view in them. Well that's it for me today. My mental healthy thought may not reach you but if it just reaches 1 then I'm good. Until next time folks, take care.
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